5 Ways To Make Sex Fun While Trying To Conceive, Says This Sex Coach

With a strict sex schedule and the pressure to get pregnant, having sex while trying to conceive can become a total downer. Here’s what Certified Sex Coach Kaci Mial has to say about the 5 things you can do to make sex fun while you are trying to conceive!

If you have been feeling too anxious during sex because you have been focused on making a baby, or perhaps you have been following a strict sex schedule that tracks your ovulation period, then you might find sex right now to be more of a chore than something enjoyable.

Kaci Mial, a Certified Sex Coach who specializes in helping others navigate sex while trying to conceive, shares why trying to conceive can make sex complicated and more stressful, and five things to do to make sex fun while trying to conceive.

How does trying to conceive affect sex lives?

Sometimes, couples face the pressure to conceive a baby quickly. Whether that is due to the societal pressure of needing to have a baby within a certain time frame and you are concerned that you are at the edge of your fertility window, or maybe it is because you are simply at a point in your life where you want a baby (or another baby) now.

Your strict sex schedule might be stressing you out

Many people don’t realize that scheduling sex can put a great amount of stress on people’s sex lives.

“Women who are trying to conceive can go down a rabbit hole of scheduling sex, tracking their basal temperature, or testing for ovulation and needing to have sex when the ovulation strip turns positive – making sex seemingly less fun and more stressful when you have to factor all these in,” says Kaci.

When you are trying to conceive, you are likely to be questioning how many times you need to have sex, or even wondering whether what you are feeling are pregnancy symptoms all the time. Getting negative pregnancy tests can also leave you feeling disappointed, and having to start the cycle all over again can make sex less fun.

Stress can also cause pain during sex, vaginismus, and low libido

According to Kaci, the pressure with conceiving and the inability to control the outcome can often lead to painful sex, vaginismus, feeling disconnected from one’s body or developing a poor body image. Both partners may also face a lack of interest in sex, low arousal, less sexual satisfaction, or generally have a harder time having an orgasm.

“If scheduling sex to conceive doesn’t work after the first few tries, it can start to create tension and disappointment, add more pressure, lead to a lack of interest in sex, or result in sex now feeling like a chore or a demand,” adds Kaci.

Other problems in your relationship may come to the surface

Trying to conceive can also highlight other issues that does not have to do with sex, such as dealing with joint finances or how to approach getting pregnant (ie. spontaneously vs. planned sex vs. IUI/IVF).

Thankfully, there are things couples can do to make sex while trying to conceive fun and less stressful. Here are five ways according to Kaci to make sex fun while you are trying to conceive.

make sex fun while trying to conceive

How to make sex fun while you are trying to conceive

Bring back the fun with date nights

Date nights can be a great way to bring back the passion, romance, sexiness, and (maybe most importantly) fun back into your relationship and sex life while trying to conceive.

An example of planning a date night can be scheduling sex, but without the feeling that it is a chore that typically comes with scheduling sex.

If you want to plan the date night around the time you might be ovulating, just remember the goal of this date night is not only to conceive, but to also reduce stress and reconnect with your partner.

Date nights are also great while going through fertility treatments, as you can take some time to decompress, chat, and have a good time with your partner.

Want to take your date night up a notch? Take the time beforehand to build anticipation with your partner throughout the week. Kaci recommends sending that “I can’t wait to see you wink face” text, as well as showering and making yourself feel sexy before your date night.

If you already have children and especially young kids, practical solutions such as booking a babysitter if you can is also important, adds Kaci. This will allow you both to be fully present in the moment during your date night.

Whether it is a date night in where you watch a movie, or a date night out getting dinner and drinks, choose something that sparks intimacy and sets you up for great sex when you get back home.

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Focus on play and pleasure outside of intercourse or fertility treatment

“It is easy to lose yourself and your connection with your partner while trying to conceive,” says Kaci, “Don’t forget to make time to check in and ask how the other person is feeling, and what might make the process easier for them.”

To make sex more fun while you are trying to conceive, focus less on the desire to create a baby, and more on creating time for play and pleasure outside of intercourse or fertility treatments.

Some couples might feel better trying to have sex every 2 to 3 days rather than timing it specifically with an ovulation test.

It is also important to remember that sex is more than just intercourse. On top of intercourse, remember to incorporate hugging, kissing, massage, self-pleasure, as well as meeting your partner’s love language.

Do things that reduce stress as it impacts fertility

When it comes to having fun with sex while trying to conceive, don’t forget your your mental and overall health. Instead of focusing only on your reproductive health and tracking your ovulation schedule, it is also important to ensure that you are taking care of your mental health as well since stress can impact fertility.

Meditation is a great tool to get centered, lower anxiety, and reduce overall stress. “YouTube has some awesome meditations for trying to conceive that you can check out. You might also consider creating fertility rituals,” says Kaci. “For example, you can use a rose quartz dildo during a self-pleasure routine while repeating affirmations to yourself. Google “trying to conceive affirmations” for more ideas.”

Take breaks from conversations about conceiving

At the office or get-togethers, are most of your conversations with your friends and family centered around conceiving a baby?

Do you often receive comments or questions around “When are you going to get pregnant?” or “When are you going to have another baby?”? Such comments can often exacerbate the negative feelings around trying to conceive.

If you notice that recent conversations are pretty much centered around getting pregnant, then remember to take breaks from only talking about conceiving, so that you can also talk about other things you enjoy.

Accept that we go through phases in our sex lives

Acceptance can also play a role in reducing stress when you are trying to conceive. According to Kaci, we often go through phases in our sex lives and there are always ups and downs.

Just because things are not ideal now or you are not having as much fun with sex as you used to, does not mean that your sex life can’t get better or more fun.

If you are struggling to enjoy sex and feel better about trying to conceive, Kaci recommends connecting with a therapist, coach, fertility specialist, and/or medical providers who can help you understand all the emotions you are feeling and unload the stress from trying to conceive too.

Related: When To Stop Sex During Pregnancy?

Kaci Mial M.Ed, CSC is a Certified Sex Coach who specializes in helping others navigate sex while trying to conceive, pregnant, and postpartum. She has over 11 years of experience in the human sexuality and mental health field.